38th letter from Mihai

Tue 12 Aug, 2025 Colmar, France

Hey Reader,

I’m writing this from my standing desk here in Colmar. We just got back from our holidays in England and Sweden. Cléo and Aurélie are off visiting a friend, and I’m slowly starting to get things back in order.

Traveling yesterday came with its own share of challenges. Two flights, a toddler, too many bags. It wasn’t long, but it was long enough to test us. And now that we’ve landed, I’m trying to catch my breath and reflect a little. Tuesdays are my letter days, and there’s one thing I want to share.

Actually, it’s something I’ll go deeper into during the Rooted 21 Challenge, not just on one day but over three: Retreat, Reset, Return (the 3Rs).
A simple and powerful sequence.
And this past week reminded me why.

It happened on our last day in Sweden.
We had taken Cléo to a nature park. Swimming, exploring, one of those slow summer family days that you don’t want to end. On the way back, we picked up groceries for the next day’s travel. Aurélie pushed the stroller, full of food bags. We were on the sidewalk, by the main road. I walked next to Cléo, who was on foot now, full toddler energy, done with being carried or restrained.

At one point, I turned to grab a snack from the bag. Just a reflex. Two seconds, max. But it was enough for Aurélie to feel unsafe. From her perspective, I had stepped away from Cléo in a moment where even a second matters.

She was right.

I already knew what was coming.
That familiar tension between us.
That moment where you’re not sure if you’ll be scolded, analyzed, or guilted.
And I started to feel rigid and defensive. My mind would create all these excuses, justifications, or counter-attacks.

We had a quiet few minutes, but eventually we started to talk. And I tried something different.

I said, “I don’t want to analyze this now.”
That was my way of trying to retreat, to get some space and not spiral.

But I didn’t mention when I would return, I didn't say when I’d be ready to talk.
And that made it worse.

For her, it felt like I was avoiding the conversation. Like I didn’t care enough to talk.

And I get that. I really do.

When we finally talked about it later, after we both calmed down, I saw where I messed up. The retreat-reset-return strategy only works if you actually commit to all three. Especially the return.

Retreating doesn't mean you're disappearing and it's not a silent punishment.
It's space with a promise to return.

What I’ve learned is this:

If you say you’ll come back in an hour, come back in an hour. Not when she reminds you. You come back because you said you would. Even if she seems fine now or if the moment has passed. That’s how trust is built. Not by saying the perfect thing in the heat of the moment, but by returning when you said you would.

And the reset matters too.
That’s the part where you actually process what happened. Think through your reaction. Get clear on what you want to say. Not to win the fight, but to reconnect.

And then, you return. You ask if she’s open to hearing you. You take responsibility. You speak from your experience. You make space for hers.

In the Rooted 21 Challenge, I break this into three days. One for each step.
These 3 R's is not a concept, but a practice. And like any practice, it requires consistency. One that will be tested.

She might say, “I’m not analyzing, I just want to understand” (like Aurélie did).
She might poke, prod, or guilt you into responding. (like this lady does below).

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Not to be cruel, but to see: will you hold your line? Will you stay grounded?

This isn’t a game, it’s trust-building. And for men (at least for me) it’s taken time to get it right.

There’s more to say here, and I will soon. But for now, I want to offer this story as a real example. It didn't have a perfect outcome, but it was a moment where I tried. Where we tried.

And I want to invite you to try too.

The Rooted 21 Challenge is opening on August 21.
It’s for busy dads who want to reconnect with their partner and build better habits around communication, in 15 minutes a day. For 21 days, you’ll get one story like the one you just read, one journaling prompt, and one action.

If you’re curious, I made a short video explaining it all. The new waitlist page is live here: The Rooted 21 Challenge waitlist sign-up page.​

And if anything in this story resonated, my inbox is open.
I always read your replies. I try to answer every one.

Thanks for being here.

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Stay rooted,
​Mihai

Wake Up. Live Fully.

P.S. If you’re the kind of guy who reads the P.S. first, here’s the short version: I messed up, tried something new, and learned a lot. That moment turned into a simple tool I’ll share inside the Rooted 21 Challenge. It starts August 21. If you’ve been meaning to reconnect with your partner but never quite know where to start, this one’s for you.

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