45th letter from Mihai

Mon 1 Sep, 2025 Colmar, France

Hey Reader,

I’ve been thinking about what it means to be a rooted dad.

What does that really mean to me? What’s the first step on this path?

For me, being rooted means being present. Being part of your family’s life. Showing up for the consequences, good or bad. Taking responsibility. Staying curious. Being interested. And at the same time, not giving up on yourself. Living your life too. Not pressing pause until the kids are grown.

I kept wondering, what’s the most important thing you need to start?

I actually asked ChatGPT this. Maybe we all do these days. The answer was that it’s not tips you need. It’s permission.

Not from society, not from a parenting book, not even from your partner. But from yourself. Permission to slow down. To show up imperfectly. To just be in the process.

Because most dads carry at least one of these: guilt for not doing more, fear of messing it up, pressure to be everything to everyone, or a model of fatherhood built on silence, stress, or absence.

So maybe this is for me too. You don’t need to heal everything before you start showing up. You just start. As you are.

That hit me, especially after wasting ten years thinking I had to “fix myself” first — without even knowing what that meant. Becoming a father made me face it. Made me look at my life differently.

And yes, you will mess up sometimes. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It just means you’re in it.

I’d say the simplest thing is this: show up, stay curious, repair when needed, and keep going.

---

I want to share something from a book I’ve been reading. It’s called Punishment-Free Parenting.

A few nights ago I read a short chapter, and it landed hard. I even read it out loud to Aurélie.

Yes, I’ve been quoting this book for months. And no, I still haven’t finished it. Partly because I stopped to read another book my therapist recommended. And partly because these days I only read ten minutes before bed, if I have the energy. So I still have 50 pages left. That’s okay. I’m not rushing.

The subchapter was called Good Enough Parenting.

It said: perfect is the enemy of good, and it’s especially true in parenting.

I’d say that’s true in relationships too.

Chasing perfection is destructive. It’s not good for you, not good for your kids. And it’s the opposite of growth.

That doesn’t mean don’t try to improve. If you’re reading this, you already care about that. But the goal isn’t perfection. The goal is good enough.

And good enough means giving yourself a break when you’re not perfect.

---

For me, the hardest moments are when I see Aurélie lose her temper with Cléo.

Cléo does something, or doesn’t do something, and Aurélie reacts with anger. It touches something in me. Probably from my own childhood — my mom often had explosive reactions. When I see Aurélie react, I tense up inside.

Then the perfectionist thoughts start. We’re going to traumatize her. We’re messing up her growth by reacting like this.

And with social media, all the parenting advice out there, it feels like if you’re not perfect, you’re failing.

On my side, that’s meant blame, shame, guilt.

I can usually hold it together with Cléo. If she throws food at me or bites me, I can stop myself from reacting in a way I’d regret.

But with Aurélie, I get more easily triggered. I react. Or I judge. And I’ve judged her a lot in parenting. Because I’ve been stuck on this idea of “perfect parenting.” Always calm. Always gentle.

What I read in that chapter helped.

Here’s the line I highlighted: caregivers only need to be attuned to their children’s emotions 30 percent of the time to achieve secure attachment.

Thirty percent.

That shocked me.

It means if we live into our parenting values more often than not, we’re already good enough.

---

So I want to end with this. I don’t think you’re just a good enough parent. I think you’re a great parent.

You’re showing up for your family. Doing your best to raise resilient, compassionate kids.

If you worry you don’t measure up to social media or the parenting experts, remember: you’ve already gone further than most just by reading these letters.

You’ve got this. I believe in you.

And maybe you can share that with your partner too. Give yourself some slack. Give her some slack.

That’s my message for today. Talk to you tomorrow. And have a good start to September.

---

​

P.S. I’m considering opening a private Telegram group for dads — a space to connect, share real stories, and get tools I don’t share anywhere else. I’d host monthly Q&As, drop practical resources, and make it a place to support each other. If that feels valuable to you, let me know by clicking here: [Yes, I’d be interested →]​

---

You received this email because you subscribed or bought one of our products. Unsubscribe | Preferences | Aristide Briand, Colmar, France 68000