Hey Reader,

I’m recording these thoughts on the way back from a visit with a friend.

I helped him move and wire their washing machine. We had lunch, caught up, talked about family and home, and what it means to create something together. Two of his kids were off school, so we spent time together, jumping on the trampoline. It was a full day, and I enjoyed it. With no reception in the mountains, I didn’t check my phone once.

On the drive back I turned my data on. I checked for messages from Aurélie and saw a stream of notifications from Threads. That’s when the day shifted back into the online world.

Maybe you’ve seen the post I’m talking about. I’ve been trying a new style there. The last one brought in two hundred new followers. This one is already past a hundred. Something about it clearly resonates with men.

What also comes with it are the comments. Some are thoughtful, but others are full of assumptions, adding meaning that was never in the post. Things like: do you even take your partner out on a date, do you know your kid’s shoe size, why are you complaining.

And the thing is, I never mentioned women in that post. It was about men, about presence, and the pressure we carry. But somehow, just speaking about men is immediately taken as an attack on women. It’s almost like men’s struggles cannot be named without being reframed through women’s needs. That fascinates me, and it shows how hard it still is to talk about men without the focus shifting somewhere else.

At first, comments like that made me defensive. I wanted to explain myself, to set the record straight. Now it feels different.

​@JulienHimself tells a story in one of his talks. He says to someone in the audience, “I hate your blue hair. Your blue hair is ugly.” Then he asks the crowd, would you take that personally? Would you feel like your self-worth was attacked? Of course not. You’d just say, “But I don’t have blue hair.”

That’s the point. If you know who you are, if you’re not looking to prove it through other people’s eyes, then their words don’t land. Someone could say, “You’re not enough.” And it’s the same as saying, “You have blue hair.” You know it isn’t true, so it doesn’t get under your skin.

I can still get reactive, but lately I’ve noticed more of these blue hair moments. Someone throws a label and it doesn’t stick. I don’t need to defend things like taking Aurélie on dates or knowing my child’s shoe size. I know these things.

Maybe I’m still working on it, since I’m writing about it here. Putting it into words feels like a way of marking the change. A way of stepping out of defensiveness and letting go of the need to explain myself every time someone interprets my words through their own lens.

If you’ve ever felt that pull to defend yourself when someone comments about you, maybe pause and ask: is it true, do I believe this, or am I reacting to what I made it mean.

Most of the time, for me, it turns out to be blue hair.

That’s today’s reflection. A good day with a friend, a long drive home, and a reminder that not everything people project onto you belongs to you.

P.S. Did you see the post I’m talking about? I’d love to hear how it landed with you.

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