54th letter from Mihai

Tue 23 Sep, 2025 Loire Valley, France

Hey Reader,

Have you ever felt like you’re too much?
Like you can’t really be yourself without worrying how others will react?

For me, that feeling usually comes from two places.

The first is what I was taught about emotions. Somewhere along the way I learned that feelings were wrong or bad. And if they’re wrong, then showing them must be wrong too. The pain in that is obvious: when emotions are rejected, the way you are gets rejected too. You start believing you need to repress yourself just to be accepted.

The second is when I’m not being true to myself. Every time I try to get it right, to do things the way I think I should, it’s never enough. No matter what I do, I feel like I’m too much or not enough. It turns into an endless battle that just makes me tired.

I’ve lived both. With Aurélie, the first one shows up a lot. When she gets emotional, my old reflex was to think something was wrong, that she shouldn’t act this way, shouldn’t express herself. That discomfort comes from the belief I grew up with: emotions are bad and you shouldn’t show them unless you are very angry or very sad. I carried that belief out of my family, where I learned to walk on eggshells, into my adult life.

Now I’m learning something different. I try to let Aurélie move through her emotional arc without blocking it or denying her the chance to express herself. And at the same time, I’m learning to process and express my own feelings instead of pushing them away and telling myself they are bad.

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Today I left home for a cycling trip. I’m working for the next two weeks in the Loire Valley. This morning I took the train to our offices in Burgundy, packed the van and the bikes, and started the drive.

Not long into it I passed a supermarket. It was lunchtime. I had two choices: keep driving and stop later, or shop now and have a proper meal with food for the next days.

Right away I felt the pressure. I told myself I should be driving. I should push through and finish the trip. That would give me the quick satisfaction of closing the loop.

But then I caught myself.

Maturity, I realized, is when you trade the small, easy pleasure for a higher value.

The lower pleasure was rushing on to finish. The higher value was taking care of myself, eating properly, and having food for later instead of relying on snacks. So I stopped, did the shopping, and it felt right.

It reminded me of something a coach I’m working with these days said:
​We look at people who make those steady choices and think they have it figured out.​
The truth is, they’re simply living from their values instead of chasing comfort.

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That’s what I’m learning. To stop copying others, to question myself less, and to let go of judgment. To live from my own values, accept the consequences, and trust myself.

And to see that maturity is not dramatic. It’s in the small sacrifices. In the moments you choose presence over comfort. In the moments you trade instant gratification for what matters more.

For me today it was groceries over rushing. For you it might be setting down the phone to play with your kids, or helping your partner instead of zoning out.

Little trades that add up.

That’s where I am today, still learning what it means to grow up, one small choice at a time.

Thanks for reading.

One dad figuring it out, same as you.
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P.S. If this landed, just hit reply. I read every message.

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See more of my work at rooteddad.com​

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