Hey Reader,

Yesterday after I sent the letter from the café and finished my morning work, I came home for lunch. It was around noon, usually Cléo’s nap time, but I didn’t think about that. Cléo was with Aurélie and her mom, playing. I joined in, happy to see her, and for a few minutes it felt light and easy.

Then Aurélie said something about it being time for Cléo’s nap. I don’t even remember the exact words. What I remember is how it landed. It hit me like a small knife, that sudden guilt that shows up before you even know why.

That’s what I call men’s kryptonite.
It’s when something small touches an old wound and you suddenly feel wrong just for being there.

For me, that wound sounds like this:
​I did something wrong. I should have known better. I’m not enough.

It’s hard to admit, but this happens often. I think many men carry this. We want to do good, to be present, to help, but the moment we feel criticized, it touches that old story that we’re not doing it right.

Later during the day, I sat with it. I tried to look at what really happened, without the story.

The facts were simple.
I came home, played with my daughter, then Aurélie said it was time for her nap.
That’s all.

Everything else, the guilt, the shame, the noise in my head, was mine.

When I notice this pattern, I use a process called Integrative Somatic Inquiry. It’s something I use for myself and also with the men I work with. It helps separate what happened from what we made it mean and get to the root.

So I asked myself:
What did I make this mean about me?
And is that true?

For me, the answer was clear: I made it mean I’m not enough.
But that wasn’t true. I was just a dad coming home, stepping into a moment I didn’t understand yet.

This is the real work.
Seeing what’s there, not trying to fix it.
Understanding instead of defending.

These small moments are the real practice. They happen in every home, every day, and they show us where our wounds still live.

Next time you feel that sting, take a breath before you act. Look at what happened, and look at what you made it mean.

You might find that nothing needs fixing, only understanding.

One dad figuring it out, same as you.
​

P.S. Want to see how I use Integrative Somatic Inquiry to turn moments like this into calm and connection instead of collapsing into guilt? Reply and I’ll share more.

See more of my work at rooteddad.com​

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