Last Sunday, we were in a bit of a situation. Aurélie took our main car to go to a convention. My father-in-law has a new, expensive, shiny car. It’s his baby. He didn’t need it that morning, and we needed to get Cléo to her swimming classes.

But he didn't trust me with it.

I had to go through the hassle of finding another car and moving the car seat in the morning when we were already in a rush. It wasn't about the car, really. It was the feeling. By not trusting me, he made me feel guarded. He made me feel like a child. When you treat someone as irresponsible or unable to handle things, you unconsciously build resentment in them.

It made me think of a different father figure.

I have a friend in Tenerife who lives on a farm. He’s a Swedish guy, very successful, but he doesn't take himself too seriously. He calls himself a "YouTube gardener." He just watches some videos, plants some trees, and sees what happens.

He has a Lamborghini tractor worth 50,000 euros. It’s a serious machine.

One day, we were pouring concrete for solar panels. He showed me once or twice how to drive this tractor (which is also kind of an excavator) and how to scoop sand in a narrow area between two buildings.

Then he just said: "Okay, now you do it. Just bring the sand up. It’ll save time."

I had never done anything like that. I imagined I needed years of training. But he just trusted me (and Aurélie). He gave me a reputation to rise to. By doing that, he allowed me to be a better version of myself.

My uncle was the same way. He was a builder. When I was a kid, I spent my summers with him. He would push me to actually build walls. I was afraid they wouldn't be straight, and he would just say: "Don’t worry if they’re not straight, we will fix it later."

I wasn't afraid of failing anymore, but I still felt the responsibility.

There are two ways to look at the people around you. You can try to protect them and treat them like kids, which just makes them feel small. Or you can believe in them more than they believe in themselves.

I’m trying to do this with Cléo now. She is only two, but I let her crack the eggs, even if she makes a mess. I let her climb the stairs, even if she's wobbling at times. I want to give her the reputation of being someone who can handle things.

It’s a gift we can give each other. When someone shows they trust you, you find a strength you didn't know you had.

There are many things I'm still figuring out, but I know which kind of father I want to be. I want to be the one who hands over the keys.

Give them a reputation to rise to.

PS. If you want to unlock your leadership at home without sacrificing success at work, reply ROOTED and I’ll share more details.

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