There is nothing harder for a man than standing in a room where he cannot fix the problem.

Aurélie came back on Saturday after being away for a week of training. That night, she hit a wall. She couldn't fall asleep, and for her, sleep isn't just an annoyance. It is a deep-seated fear. She has spent years trying everything: sleep doctors, therapists, hypnosis. As she says, when she can’t sleep, her whole life feels like a mess.

My first instinct was to fix it. I did what we usually do: I gave her a massage, tried to talk her through the logic of it, and kept looking for a way to solve the issue. I thought I finally found the moment that unlocked her good night's sleep when I told her she didn't have to be strong and could just lean on me.

But when we talked about it a few days later, she told me that wasn't actually it.

What helped her was sitting on the couch together and breathing. I had to stop trying to make sense of her process mentally and just find the courage to let go and be fully present. She needed to feel that she wasn't alone, and she could only feel that when I stopped "doing" and just started breathing with her.

It reminded me of when she was in labor with our daughter. I couldn't "do" the childbirth for her. I could only be there to support her, talk to her, and prepare the space. It is incredibly hard to stand in a place where we cannot fix the problem, but sometimes, that is exactly what our partners need.

Being a Rooted Dad in these moments comes down to three things:

• Courage: Having the guts to stay there even when you don't know what to do and your instinct is to run away.
• Discipline: The self-regulation required to stay calm and resourceful so you don’t snap or get defensive.
• Action: The actual choice to stay and be the anchor even when the only "action" available is presence.

When Aurélie finally felt that support, she was able to let go. We all slept better that night than we had in a long time.

She wanted me to share this because you don't always need a mental understanding of the struggle. Sometimes you just need to feel the physical and emotional support of someone who is willing to stay in the dark with you.

P.S. Have you ever been in a situation where you had to stop "fixing" and just start breathing? I'd love to hear how you handled it. Reply and let me know, I read every letter.

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