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730 days of being a dad
Published 8 days ago • 3 min read
730 Days: A Retrospective
Cléo turned two yesterday. Today, we went back to the hospital where she was born for a quick check-up. Standing in those hallways, it hit me: I have officially been a dad for 730 days.
I don’t have a single "lesson" to share today. Instead, I want to look at a few questions I’ve been asking myself about the last two years.
What part of the "old me" had to die?
Before Cléo, I lived with a "tropical" mindset. In the tropics, food is abundant, the weather is always good, and you don’t have to worry about tomorrow. You just dance and sing. I was a free spirit, and I assumed everything would just work out.
But being a father forced me into a "temperate" climate. In a temperate climate, you have to anticipate the winter. You have to prepare. You have to store food and firewood.
I’ve learned that being a Rooted Dad means playing offense. I have to look further ahead so I can actually enjoy the present without being blindsided by a "winter" I should have seen coming.
When did she force me to stop being "useful" and start being human?
I have a habit of hiding behind tasks to feel like I’m "earning" my place in the room. At her birthday party, I spent the first hour behind the barbecue. On a recent trip to the forest, I hid behind a book.
Aurélie called me out on it. She told me she felt like I was removing myself from the family moment. She was right. I was treating my presence like a job, but connection is where the real value is.
I have to remind myself that I am more than an ant. Only an ant thinks his worth is tied to how much work he is doing. The real challenge is being okay with doing nothing and just being there.
The moment I felt the most helpless
Last year, we were driving back from Italy. We were on a highway in Switzerland with nowhere to stop and Cléo started crying. She wouldn't stop for anything.
I tried everything: singing, toys, distraction. Nothing worked. I felt so powerless that I actually hit the ceiling of the car with my fist. I wasn't even truly angry, but I felt like I had to "act" angry just to feel like I was doing something about a situation I couldn't control.
Later, I realized I just made everyone more scared. My only real job in that moment wasn't to "fix" her crying. It was to regulate myself and stay calm so I could be an anchor for my family.
The "Performance Review"
If Cléo could give me a review today, I think she’d call me a "connected dad." That is what being rooted is all about. It isn't about being a perfect parent. It is about being connected to your roots and your family. I want her to see me as a human who makes errors, but who always comes back to repair the connection.
As we go into year three, I want to let go of the fear of judgment. Cléo is so full of life. She dances and moves with total authenticity. I want to learn from her. I want to be okay with being myself without feeling like I need to apologize for it.
Rooted Dad is also a "baby" of mine. I started this project right around the same time she was born. I’m not going to force it into a specific mold. Like I do with my daughter, I’m just going to guide, support it, and see where it goes.
Happy Birthday, Cléo.
P.S. I’m curious what you would ask. If you have a question about the last two years or anything I’ve shared here, just hit reply. I read every letter and I’d love to keep the conversation going.
Rooting for you, Mihai
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