Since I left the military nine years ago, I haven’t been in the same place for more than six months. Aurélie has been the same; for most of her life, she’s been moving around too.

You could say we are a family of travelers. Explorers. Maybe even "unsettled" or "undecided." But we are in a different moment now. We have a daughter, we’re considering more kids, and we have a short window before she starts school to decide where we are going to plant our roots.

It’s a tough decision. When you’ve spent years not being tied to anything, the planet feels like a map of endless possibilities. Where do you even start?

I’ve noticed a pattern in myself lately when I’m faced with this complexity. I first saw it in a client, and then I saw it reflected back to me by Aurélie. It’s a habit that is incredibly damaging to a man’s leadership: The default to saying, "I don’t know."

When Aurélie and I talk about where to move, my brain wants to jump to that comfort zone. I don’t know where to go. I don’t know how to tackle this.

But here’s the problem: when you tell yourself "I don’t know," you are training your brain to look for red cars. You know the story: if I tell you to look for red cars, that is all you will see. When you tell your awareness "I don't know," you only allow in answers that match that reality. You stay blind to the solutions standing right in front of you.

"I don't know" is a mask. It’s a way to stay in the shadows and avoid making a decision that might bring criticism or disappointment. It’s the "Nice Guy" looking for validation instead of stating a preference.

We have to stop defaulting to "whatever" or "I don’t care." If you want to lead your woman and your family, you need clarity. But clarity doesn't usually arrive before you act, it comes after. You have to train the decision muscle first.

From now on, I’m replacing "I don’t know" with "I’m figuring it out".

I’m learning to state my preferences, even if they lead to disapproval. I’m trusting that by picking a path and moving, the clarity I need will meet me on the way.

Stop hiding behind the confusion. State what you want. Figure it out as you go.

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