Hey Reader,

It’s a quiet afternoon here in the Loire Valley.
I’ve been checking out castles, buying tickets, getting things ready for the next cycling trip.

I’m guiding this trip with a colleague I worked with a few years ago. We have a lot in common. We’re both big book fans, curious about philosophy, relationships, spirituality. She has a ten-year-old daughter and another baby on the way, so we also share a lot about family life.

This afternoon over tea she told me about something she saw at a post office a few months back.

A mother was in line with her little boy, about four years old. He was playful and noisy, as kids are at that age. She hit him on the head, dragged him outside, hit him some more, then came back into the line as if nothing happened.

My colleague stood there. Nobody else reacted. She walked up and told the mother it wasn’t okay, that what she was doing was wrong.

When she told me this story I tried to picture myself in her place. I don’t know what I would have done. Maybe I’d step in, maybe I’d stay quiet. I’m not sure it would change anything.

I thought the mother might have felt scolded, but it wouldn’t necessarily change her behavior. She might even repeat the same thing at home. My colleague replied that maybe so, but if every time she did it someone spoke up, the pressure of society might shift her. And if not, at least the child would see it. He might understand he wasn’t completely alone, that someone noticed, that not everyone accepts violence.

That stayed with me.

It also reminded me of another story, this one from Tom Brown Jr., where a small act from a child changed everything around him.

He wrote about being at a festival with his wife and kids on a windy day. Trash and paper tissues were blowing everywhere. The whole field was covered. At some point his four-year-old son jumped out of his arms and started picking up tissues, carrying as many as he could to a bin. People noticed. After a while they joined in, and in minutes the field was clean.

One small action, and suddenly everyone was moving.

What stays with me is the thought that sometimes the impact isn’t on the parent at all. Sometimes it’s the child who notices, the child who realizes not everyone accepts violence.

Most parents I know are doing the best they can with the tools they have. I grew up with spanking and punishment, and I know I don’t want to raise my kids the same way. I’ve had access to books, podcasts, conversations that helped me find other ways, but not everyone has that. So I come back to this idea of small actions. Even if they don’t change everything, they can still shift something.

My colleague’s kids start from a different place because of the work their mother has done. The same with me. And probably with you too. The work you’ve already done gives your kids a better start.

I see that. I’m grateful for that.

Sometimes I feel like that little boy at the festival, just picking up tissues. A small act, a bit of cleanup. Maybe you see it and add your own. And together, we make something bigger than we thought possible.

What do you say?

One dad figuring it out, same as you.
​

P.S. These letters aren’t a broadcast, they’re a conversation. If something speaks to you, or even stirs you the wrong way, just hit reply. I read every message.

See more of my work at rooteddad.com​

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