Hey Reader,

This week something happened that showed me again how I show up in relationships. It reminded me of this idea that every lesson keeps showing up until it’s learned.

For me, the lesson has been around a pattern that often plays out in my relationship with Aurélie. Whenever she expresses something emotional, I immediately make it about myself. I take it as if I did something wrong. I feel guilty.

Yesterday the same thing happened at work with a colleague. And this time I noticed the pattern, but I didn’t fall into it.

We were in Strasbourg, preparing for the start of a cycling trip. It had rained, so the bikes needed extra care. My colleague stayed outside wiping them down and oiling the chains. I was inside pumping tyres and putting on name tags.

When I came back out she said, “Mihai, I can’t keep doing this alone. We have to move the bikes closer to the entrance.”

In the past, I would have reacted right away. I would have said, “You’re not alone, I’ve been working inside.” Because the moment she shared her experience of feeling alone, I would have taken it as an accusation.

This time I heard it differently. What she was really expressing was that she felt she had been doing this alone. And I could acknowledge that without making myself guilty.

That changed everything for me. Instead of arguing or getting defensive, I simply joined her, and we got it done together.

The shift for me was clear: ​
acknowledging someone’s feelings doesn’t mean I am guilty.

It may sound simple, but for me it’s a big one.

Maybe you know this pattern too. The moment when someone shares how they feel, and it’s hard not to make it about yourself. If you’ve felt that too, I’d love to hear how it shows up for you.

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One dad figuring it out, same as you.
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P.S. These letters aren’t a broadcast, they’re a conversation. If something speaks to you, or even stirs you the wrong way, just hit reply. I read every message.

See more of my work at rooteddad.com​

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