39th letter from Mihai

Sat 16 Aug, 2025 Colmar, France

Yesterday, for the first time,

Cléo spent the whole afternoon with her grandparents.

They took her to a nearby river, they had some food, and then they told us she had a little bit of ice cream.

My first reaction was that it was nice. One of those moments you remember.

Cléo is 16 months old now, and she’s never had sugar. Aurélie and I had agreed we wouldn’t give her sugar until she’s three. Just so she doesn’t get used to it. She already gets sugar from fruit, she doesn’t need more.

But the grandparents gave her ice cream. For me, it wasn’t the end of the world. I could picture her remembering it later. First time having ice cream, with her grandparents. Sweet memory.

For Aurélie though, it landed differently. She didn’t like hearing it. Especially because the last thing she told her mom before leaving was not to give Cléo sugar. And then that one boundary was broken.

So this letter today is about boundaries. Because it stuck with me.

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What do boundaries even mean?

For me it’s: what am I not willing to tolerate. What feels important and matters.

Kids need us for that. To draw those lines and show them what’s safe and what’s not.

If I say no to sugar 99 times but yes once, Cléo will keep asking. She’ll think it’s always up for negotiation. And when she doesn’t get it, she’ll not only feel denied but also feel like she failed to convince me.

That’s why when no is no, the yes feels stronger.

Structure makes things safe. Without it, everything feels uncertain. You can’t rest. Your brain keeps scanning for danger.

But it’s also not about being rigid. Sometimes boundaries change, and when they do, you explain why.

For me right now, with Cléo at 16 months, it’s about setting those first boundaries. And it’s also about the grandparents understanding them, because they’ll be part of her world too.

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It’s not easy. Holding a boundary never is.

And sometimes I catch myself thinking about my own past. Growing up with boundaries that were inconsistent. Sometimes too loose, sometimes too strict. Then joining the military, where everything was crystal clear. Safe, in a way. After that, swinging in the opposite direction. No structure at all. Chaos.

Now as a dad, and as someone building a business, I see boundaries differently. They give me structure and predictability. They stop me from always scanning for danger.

It’s not just about Cléo. It’s also about me. With myself.

Because a lot of the time the hardest boundaries are with me. That inner voice that wants to snack, or sleep in, or take the easy way. The constant negotiation.

And when you work for yourself, no one else is setting the lines. You have to.

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This all came up again in a conversation with Aurélie. She’s also in the middle of setting up her own thing. She feels overwhelmed, like she needs someone to take over.

And I realized that’s part of it. The Child in us still looking for someone to set the boundaries. Someone to protect us (I'll write more on that in a future letter).

When we didn’t get that clearly as kids, we have to learn it now. To set them for ourselves, for our kids, and for the people around us.

And because this theme is so alive for me, I wrote down a few reminders I want to keep close.

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Notes to Self (from Punishment-Free Parenting)​

1. Boundaries are about safety. They help kids know what is okay and what is not, so they can relax instead of always scanning for danger.
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2. When no is clear, yes has more weight. Consistent no’s make yes feel stronger and more trustworthy.
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3. If a boundary is inconsistent, kids keep testing it. They hope for that one yes, and when it does not come, they feel both disappointed and like they failed.
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4. “Because I said so” misses the point. Explaining the reason for a boundary helps kids learn how to set their own later.
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5. Permissive parenting often comes from parents who grew up with punishment. Saying yes feels easier, but kids actually feel safer when no really means no.
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6. Gentle parenting can slip into overprotection. Keeping kids from mistakes now makes it harder for them to handle bigger mistakes later.
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7. Small failures matter. When kids are saved from every fall, they struggle more with bigger failures down the road.
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8. Our brains are built to see danger. With the internet showing everyone’s tragedies all the time, it feels like danger is everywhere.
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9. Parents often avoid setting limits with tech, while restricting freedom in the real world. That mix can make kids more anxious.
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10. The balance matters. Too few boundaries leave kids lost. Too many make them anxious. Letting them try, fall, and try again builds resilience.

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Still learning how to hold them.

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Stay rooted,
​Mihai

Wake Up. Live Fully.

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P.S. Speaking of boundaries and building structure, I’m also working on the Rooted 21 Challenge. It starts on the 21st of August. If you want to improve connection and communication with your partner, sign up now. There’s an early bird discount at this link for the first ones in.

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